My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
