tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
