Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
