he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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