So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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