I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
