I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize