Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
