Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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