Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
