Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
