he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
