I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
