I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
