Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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