I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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