then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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