I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Houston, we have a squirter
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
