It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
