btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
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