I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
