yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize