Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
