there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
