she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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