I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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