there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
