My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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