She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize