R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
