i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
