please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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