meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
