I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
