Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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