i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
