if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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