the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize