Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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