Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
