I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
