if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize