Your face is a jimmy john
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Never underestimate the power of titties
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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