I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize