Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
