Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
