my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
