She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
