i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
