Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
