Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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