I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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