I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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