I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize