You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
