You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
