This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
