After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
