im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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