So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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