Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
