You smell like stripper and shame
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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