I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
