"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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