im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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