Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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